How do I make the decision about adopting a child?

Decision Support

Choosing to adopt can be an uncomfortable mix of fact-based prudence and faith-based risk taking. It can feel murky and uncertain. We experience moments of confidence followed by days of insecurity.

The good news is that through all this discomfort, God can meet us and make our faith grow. The process of coming to a decision is an important part of the journey. Here are some questions you may be asking.

“Adoption is risky. Should I take this risk?”

Be wise

Every prudent man acts out of knowledge, but a fool exposes his folly…A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps.(Proverbs 13:16, 14:15). God tells us to carefully consider the cost of our decisions. Do not rush into an adoption during a moment of compassion for a needy child. Adoption is a life-long commitment that demands much sacrifice. It is wise to research, think and pray before deciding to adopt.

Exercise faith

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 10:39) God tells us to be prudent, but he also tells us to live sacrificially for others, and to move beyond the realm of cold, hard facts and live by faith in the unseen. If thinking about God’s love for orphans has led to your feeling a nudge to adopt a child, this could be the leading of God. It may be time for you to step out in faith, in spite of risks.

Trust God’s guidance

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me…If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him (John 10:27, James 1:5). God is pleased when we ask for his guidance. You can be confident that he will lead you as you go to him with your adoption decision.

“I feel differently about adoption than my spouse.”

Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ (Ephesians 5:21). Submission in this situation includes respectfully and sincerely listening to each other. It also includes being open to the possibility of God leading you through the convictions of your husband or wife.
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4) Keep focused on God and his lavish love as you together wait for his guidance.
Read and pray together. Family Life’s Hope for Orphans ministry has written “Considering Adoption: A Biblical Perspective”, a five-week small group study designed to help couples explore God’s perspective on making an adoption decision. These studies include the common dynamic of husband and wife being at different places in their thinking about adoption.
Look for blessing in the process. Remember that God has put you with your spouse, and that he can bring good to both of you through this decision – even through your different perspectives and desires.

“I am single. Should I adopt?” Different Christians have different opinions about single parent adoption. We believe that, with God’s guidance and provision, single parents can provide a loving, safe home for a child. If you are considering adoption, here are some questions to consider:

Has God given me the resources to love and raise a child over the long haul? If I am a single woman, do these resources include brothers in the Lord who can act as father figures in my child’s life?
Whose advice will I seek? For lack of guidance a nation falls, but many advisers make victory sure. (Proverbs 11:14) Seek counsel from respected leaders in your church.
Am I looking to adoption as an escape from loneliness? A child will certainly bring joy and companionship to your life, but will also include some loss of freedom for other relationships and activities.

“Should I adopt an older child? What about special needs children?"

Acknowledge the difficulty of the decision. Many older children long to belong to a family. Many children with particular medical, educational or emotional needs would have many more possibilities if they were in a loving family. It is hard to look into the faces of these children and turn away. But it is also hard to predict how we would handle their care over a lifetime.
Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the LORD delivers him in times of trouble. (Psalm 41:1). God delights to honor broken people. He chooses the foolish, weak, lowly and despised things of this world to show his glory (1 Corinthians 1:27-29). When you follow him into the lives of the vulnerable, he will give you special blessing.
Use available resources. Every year, more literature and educational opportunities to help us understand child development and other issues that affect parents of special needs children. These can help you make an informed decision about adopting a child, and they can help you raise your children to their full potential once they are home with you.

“It is too expensive.”

Adoption from the foster care system is virtually free and can also include financial aid for counseling and medical expenses.
For private and international adoptions, the 2004 federal tax credit was $10,390 for families who adopt a child.
More and more foundations have been set up to help families with the financial costs of adoption. Click here for more information.
Be prudent and wise about your situation, but also remember that God’s resources are inexhaustible. To the LORD your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it. (Deuteronomy 10:14)

“I really wanted biological children. I don’t know if I will be able to love an adopted child as much.”

Feeling loss from infertility is normal. God understands our grief. For thoughts on adoption after infertility, read “Second Choice, not Second Best.”

"How can I choose an adoption agency?"

Here are some thoughts about choosing an adoption agency.

For more help in your decision...

Hope for Orphans is a ministry of FamilyLife. It serves families and churches who want to follow God by caring for orphans. Hope for Orphans supports local church orphan ministries and offers an excellent one-day workshop, "If You Were Mine," around the country, for those who are considering adoption.

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